‫- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
‫- I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU. ‫- WHAT HAPPENED?
‫- ARE YOU SURE THERE'S ‫NOT SOMETHING THAT I DON'T SEE?
‫- NO. ‫- I LOVE YOU, JAKE ROSATI.
‫- WHAT DID I DO? ‫- GUESS I JUST
‫WAITED TOO LONG ‫TO TELL HIM HOW I FELT.
‫- MAYBE THE TIMING'S ‫FINALLY RIGHT.
‫- I HAD BEEN BLOGGING ‫ALL NIGHT,
‫IF ONLY TO KEEP MY HANDS ‫OCCUPIED AND OFF MY PHONE.
‫AND AFTER FIGHTING THE URGE
‫TO TEXT JAKE FOR TWO DAYS,
‫MY WILLPOWER WAS WANING.
‫MY WILLPOWER ‫HAD BEEN WANING.
‫A LOT.
‫[phone tapping tones]
‫- I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU.
‫- I WASN'T THE TYPE OF GIRL ‫TO EXPIRATION-DATE,
‫SO IF JAKE THOUGHT OUR ROMANCE ‫WAS PAST ITS PRIME,
‫I WOULD ACCEPT ‫HIS DECISION...
‫IF HE HAD A DAMN GOOD REASON.
‫NO, I DON'T.
‫I WASN'T THINKING CLEARLY,
‫BUT NEITHER WAS HE.
‫I THOUGHT JAKE AND I ‫WERE HAPPY,
‫THEN WHAM, BAM, ‫BREAK UP, MA'AM.
‫I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING ‫TO DAMAGE OUR RELATIONSHIP,
‫BUT WHAT?
‫[phone tones]
‫OH, CANCEL. ‫CANCEL!
‫- HEY, COME OUTSIDE.
‫I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
‫[phone rings]
‫[click, beep]
‫- KEVSTER, IT'S HANNAH. ‫CALL ME.
‫- SO, KEVSTER, ‫WHO'S HANNAH?
‫- SOMEONE FROM WORK. ‫DON'T PEEK.
‫HUH? ‫NOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS
‫WILL WANT TO TAKE ‫A JOY RIDE IN THE JENNA WAGON.
‫THAT SOUNDED BAD.
‫CHECK IT OUT!
‫- IT WAS THE HOOPTY ‫OF MY DREAMS,
‫AND I HAD TO ADMIT, ‫I WAS STOKED...
‫UNTIL I REMEMBERED ‫TAMARA'S WARNING.
‫A GRAND GESTURE ‫MEANT DIVORCE.
‫WAS MY DAD TRYING ‫TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL?
‫[phone tones] ‫OR WAS JAKE?
‫[dramatic music]
‫*
‫[snap] ‫TURNS OUT MY CAR AND I
‫WERE A MATCH MADE IN HELL.
‫[typewriter tapping]
‫[boom]
‫- HOLY [bleep]!
‫- HOLY [bleep].
‫- YOU'RE SUPPOSED ‫TO BE CALMING ME DOWN.
‫- I AM SORRY, J, ‫BUT HOLY [bleep]!
‫- [sighs] ‫WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
‫- BE PISSED.
‫HE WAS SPYING ON YOU.
‫I'M JUST TRYING TO SPIN IT. ‫- NOT WORKING.
‫- OKAY, LET'S STOP ‫BAKING DRAMA CAKES FOR A SEC,
‫AND THINK TANK THIS.
‫[ticking]
‫- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY JAKE
‫WAS AT MY HOUSE ‫IN THE FIRST PLACE.
‫- WELL, I GUESS AFTER ‫HE CAME BACK TO THE WEDDING
‫LOOKING FOR YOU.
‫- WHAT? ‫- HE WENT BACK?
‫- WHY DIDN'T YOU ‫GIVE ME THE HEADS UP?
‫- I DON'T KNOW.
‫MAYBE I WAS BUSY ‫BUYING LOTTERY TICKETS
‫'CAUSE I'M A FREAKIN' PSYCHIC.
‫HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
‫JAKE WAS GONNA ‫GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE?
‫- HE PROBABLY WANTED ‫TO GET BACK TOGETHER.
‫- I HAD NEVER CONSIDERED ‫THAT POSSIBILITY.
‫COULD THERE BE A SILVER LINING ‫TO MY STORM CLOUD OF DESPAIR?
‫FACT IS, ‫I WASN'T CHEATING ON JAKE.
‫SO ONCE WE STRAIGHTEN OUT ‫THE TIMELINE--
‫- EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
‫- I JUST NEED TO CLEAR IT UP.
‫HOW AM I GONNA CLEAR IT UP?
‫- YOU'RE NOT A CHEATER. ‫JAKE BROKE UP WITH YOU,
‫OUT OF NOWHERE, WHICH MEANS ‫HE HAS NO LEVERAGE, RIGHT?
‫- IT'S A LITTLE THIN,
‫BUT IT'S ALL WE'VE GOT.
‫- JAKE, I REALLY NEED ‫TO TALK TO YOU FOR JUS--
‫WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
‫- THE CLASSIC ICE BURN.
‫- OH! [groans]
‫- I WOULDN'T HIT YOUR HEAD ‫LIKE THAT IF I WERE YOU.
‫SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE KILLING ‫BRAIN CELLS,
‫AND YOU DON'T HAVE ‫ANY TO WASTE,
‫WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED THIS.
‫TEST ANSWERS, FOR GEOMETRY.
‫- SWEET.
‫STUPID COMBO WON'T WORK.
‫- LET ME TRY. ‫- THE COMBO IS 21...
‫YOU KNOW MY LOCKER COMBO?
‫- I ALSO KNOW YOUR BRA SIZE, ‫BUT I'M NOT GONNA ADVERTISE IT.
‫[whispers] ‫32B.
‫- UH...
‫SINCE YOU SEEM TO POSSESS, ‫I DON'T KNOW,
‫UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE, ‫DO YOU KNOW WHERE FRED WU IS?
‫I HAVEN'T HEARD ‫FROM HIM SINCE FRIDAY
‫AND WE'RE USUALLY ‫IN CONSTANT CONTACT.
‫- WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN? ‫- FRED WU.
‫- FRED WHO? ‫- WU.
‫- OH, FRED WU!
‫I DON'T KNOW HIM.
‫BUT I DO KNOW ‫WHERE YOUR GLASSES ARE.
‫YOU LEFT THEM IN MY CAR.
‫- OH, YES. ‫I THOUGHT I LOST THEM,
‫AND IN THE AFTERNOON, ‫MY CONTACTS
‫START TO FEEL ‫LIKE SANDPAPER.
‫THANK YOU.
‫- NO, THANK YOU, ‫FOR GIVING MY LIFE A PURPOSE.
‫- AW. ‫- I'M KIDDING.
‫[laughs]
‫[both laugh]
‫- WHA...
‫- WANT TO GO IN? ‫IF HE'S MID-STREAM,
‫HE WON'T BE ABLE TO RUN AWAY.
‫- I DON'T THINK I CAN MOVE.
‫- DO YOU NEED ‫THE PEP TALK AGAIN?
‫'CAUSE I CAN RALLY.
‫- NO, THAT'S OKAY.
‫YEAH, I NEED IT.
‫- YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT HERE, ‫OKAY--
‫- I DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU!
‫THAT WAS A WARM-UP.
‫JAKE, I KNOW IT LOOKS BAD.
‫I MEAN, THAT PHOTO, ‫IT WAS AWFUL,
‫AND I UNDERSTAND THAT LOOKING ‫TO MATTY FOR COMFORT
‫WAS A TERRIBLE CHOICE, ‫BUT I WASN'T CHEATING.
‫TECHNICALLY, I WAS SINGLE, ‫AND DEVASTATED, AND--
‫- I KNOW EVERYTHING.
‫- EVERYTHING?
‫- EVERYTHING.
‫- IT SUDDENLY ALL MADE SENSE.
‫I KNEW EXACTLY WHY ‫JAKE BROKE UP WITH ME.
‫HE KNEW EVERYTHING.
‫- HE KNOWS EVERYTHING? ‫WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
‫- OH, I'M NOT SURE,
‫BUT I ASSUME "EVERYTHING" ‫MEANS "EVERYTHING."
‫- NO. ‫NO. NO WAY.
‫- WAY. ‫JAKE TOOK THIS.
‫- HOLY [bleep].
‫HOLY-- ‫HOLY [bleep]!
‫NO WONDER HE WON'T TALK TO ME.
‫HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
‫- YOU. YOUR LIPS.
‫I WAS VULNERABLE ‫AND YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE.
‫- YOUR LIPS ‫WERE PRETTY INVOLVED TOO.
‫OH, MY GOD.
‫HE KNOWS EVERYTHING? ‫- EVERYTHING!
‫- WELL, ‫WHO THE HELL TOLD HIM?
‫- YEAH, I TOLD HIM.
‫I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND ‫WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET.
‫NOW THAT JAKE IS OUT ‫OF THE PICTURE,
‫SHE'S ALL YOURS.
‫I STILL DON'T GET ‫THE APPEAL OF JENNA HAMILTON
‫AND HER OVERSIZED ‫MATERNITY TOPS,
‫BUT I GUESS THE HEART ‫WANTS WHAT IT WANTS,
‫EVEN IF IT WANTS A SOCIAL MISFIT ‫WITH A BUTTERFLY FETISH.
‫- YOU'RE A BITCH. ‫- I KNOW.
‫AND YOU SHOULD ‫BE THANKING ME
‫FOR REMOVING THE OBSTACLE ‫THAT KEPT YOU APART.
‫- I CAN'T BELIEVE ‫YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME.
‫WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS ‫SINCE THE FOURTH GRADE.
‫- YOU CAN TRY AND MAKE ME ‫THE VILLAIN IN ALL THIS,
‫BUT THE TRUTH IS, ‫YOU'RE THE BAD GUY HERE.
‫YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEPT ‫THIS HUGE SECRET
‫FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND.
‫MAYBE TELLING JAKE ‫WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO,
‫BUT WHAT YOU AND JENNA ‫DID WAS WAY WORSE.
‫- DUDE, YOU DON'T HAVE ‫ALL THE INFORMATION.
‫COME ON, MAN, STOP.
‫LET'S HASH THIS OUT.
‫HE WON'T TALK TO ME. ‫- ME EITHER.
‫BUT I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN.
‫[bell rings] ‫JAKE.
‫THE EVERYTHING ‫YOU THINK YOU KNOW?
‫SOME OF IT'S WRONG.
‫YES, MATTY AND I ‫HAD A THING,
‫BUT IT WASN'T ‫AN OFFICIAL THING.
‫AND IT WAS OVER BEFORE ‫YOU AND I BECAME A THING,
‫BECAUSE WE WERE OFFICIAL.
‫- [clears throat] ‫JENNA.
‫I DON'T REMEMBER YOU ‫BEING IN THIS CLASS.
‫- OH, I'M NOT. ‫I JUST CAME TO TALK TO JAKE.
‫- DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ‫HE WANTS TO TALK.
‫YOU GONNA TALK TO HER?
‫- NO.
‫- MS. HAMILTON, ‫YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS:
‫STAY HERE OR GO TO CLASS. ‫- I'LL STAY.
‫- AH, THAT TRIGGERS ‫OPTION NUMBER THREE.
‫FOLLOW ME.
‫AFTER YOU.
‫- [whispering] ‫FRED!
‫FRED WU!
‫WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?
‫WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?
‫I GOT A "D"?
‫DID YOU GUYS GET "D"s?
‫WHAT THE HELL?
‫DID YOU GUYS GET ‫A DIFFERENT CHEAT SHEET?
‫- * OUR CHIMNEY PUFFS ‫A LIGHTER CLOUD *
‫* I HEAR YOU DON'T ‫EVEN MAKE A SOUND *
‫* ONCE I RECALLED ‫THE GALL OF THAT ONE *
‫- I'M STARTING ‫TO GET THE FEELING
‫I'M ON THE OUTS ‫WITH THE ASIAN MAFIA.
‫- [gasps] DISAVOWED?
‫- NO IDEA, BUT I JUST ‫GOT A BUM CHEAT SHEET
‫AND WEIRD STUFF HAS BEEN ‫HAPPENING ALL DAY.
‫IT FEELS COLD ‫ON THE OUTSIDE.
‫- IT DOES.
‫- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
‫AND THOSE OF YOU IN BETWEEN...
‫- HOW DID IT GO WITH JAKE?
‫- IT DIDN'T.
‫- WILDCATS, ‫WE'RE GONNA GET PUMPED UP,
‫WITH THE WHEEL OF
‫PEP! ‫[cheers and applause]
‫ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW HOW ‫THIS GAME IS PLAYED, FOLKS.
‫I JUST NEED ONE FEMALE VOLUNTEER ‫TO MAKE THAT FIRST SPIN.
‫- HOW CAN WE EXPLAIN ‫THE SITUATION
‫IF HE WON'T HEAR US OUT?
‫- COME ON, WHICH ONE ‫OF YOU LOVELY LADIES
‫WOULD LIKE TO JOIN ME ONSTAGE ‫AND SPIN THAT WHEEL?
‫- I'LL MAKE HIM LISTEN.
‫- JENNA, PLEASE, NOT AGAIN.
‫LIGHTNING ‫DOESN'T STRIKE TWICE.
‫I'M TELLING YOU, GOING UP ‫ON THAT STAGE IS NOT GONNA
‫WORK OUT IN YOUR FAVOR ‫THIS TIME.
‫- IT WILL. ‫IT HAS TO.
‫- UH, JENNA'S RAISING ‫HER HAND.
‫CAN'T YOU SEE IT? ‫- WE JUST NEED A GIRL.
‫ANY GIRL.
‫- JENNA HAMILTON, ‫COME ON UP!
‫[mic feedback]
‫[light applause]
‫OKAY, NOW WE NEED A DUDE.
‫NOT YOU, CLARK, ‫WE NEED A REAL DUDE.
‫- HOW ABOUT YOU?
‫[laughter]
‫- I DIDN'T CHEAT ON YOU.
‫I SLEPT WITH MATTY ‫BEFORE I REALLY EVEN KNEW YOU.
‫- MM-HMM.
‫- HE NEVER WANTED ‫TO BE SEEN WITH ME,
‫WHICH MADE THINGS CONFUSING ‫AND UNCLEAR.
‫- WELL, ‫HOW ABOUT WE FIX THAT?
‫HM?
‫MATTY MCKIBBEN, COME ON UP!
‫YEAH.
‫LET'S GIVE HIM SOME ‫ENCOURAGEMENT, TITANS, HUH?
‫MATTY! MATTY! MATTY!
‫all: MATTY! MATTY! MATTY!
‫- THIS ISN'T HOW YOU PLAY.
‫YOU CAN'T STOP ‫THE WHEEL OF PEP.
‫- ZIP IT. ‫THE RULES HAVE CHANGED.
‫- I KNEW ‫THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
‫I REALLY MIGHT BE PSYCHIC.
‫- OKAY, MCKIBBEN.
‫TIME TO COME CLEAN.
‫HAVE YOU EVER ‫BETRAYED ANYONE?
‫MAYBE A FRIEND? ‫- NO.
‫- WELL.
‫LOOKS LIKE MATTY HAS PUT YOU ‫IN THE HOT SEAT.
‫IF HE'S NOT WILLING ‫TO COME CLEAN,
‫THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE ‫TO PLAY DIRTY.
‫- GO, GIRL! ‫YOU GOT THIS!
‫- JENNA HAS A LOT ‫OF EXPERIENCE PLAYING DIRTY.
‫SHE SHOULD KISS MATTY.
‫[cheers]
‫- SHUT UP, SADIE.
‫- NO, GREAT IDEA.
‫JENNA, KISS MATTY.
‫- SHOW SOME SCHOOL SPIRIT. ‫IT'S FOR THE BASEBALL TEAM.
‫- PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. ‫- OH, ARE YOU SHY?
‫WOULD YOU BE MORE COMFORTABLE ‫DOING IT PRIVATELY?
‫OR MAYBE IN SECRET?
‫I DON'T WANT YOU ‫TO FEEL LIKE A SLUT.
‫- THAT ISN'T FUNNY. ‫- YEAH, I AGREE.
‫THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ‫ABOUT BEING LAUGHED AT
‫BY YOUR FRIENDS. ‫- BACK OFF, MAN.
‫[crowd murmurs]
‫- [grunts]
‫[crowd gasps]
‫- STOP!
‫- YOU DON'T KNOW ‫THE WHOLE STORY.
‫- I DO!
‫YOU TALKED TO ME ABOUT HER.
‫HUH? I GAVE YOU ADVICE ‫ABOUT HER.
‫THAT MUST'VE BEEN ‫REALLY HILARIOUS.
‫- I'M CONFUSED. ‫ARE WE PLAYING A NEW GAME?
‫- YES, IT'S CALLED ‫"DOWN WITH THE SLUT."
‫- NO ONE WAS ‫EVER LAUGHING AT YOU.
‫- WELL, THEN ‫WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
‫SAY IT! ‫- STOP IT!
‫- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? ‫- THE TRUTH!
‫SAY IT! SAY IT!
‫- [grunts]
‫[crowd gasps]
‫I [bleep]ED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
‫[crowd groans]
‫- TWO BOYS FIGHTING OVER ‫A GIRL IS...
‫A FANTASY FOR SOME WOMEN,
‫BUT, UH, I AM GOING ‫TO HAVE TO PUT
‫PERSONAL FANTASIES ASIDE,
‫BECAUSE AS VICE-PRINCIPAL, ‫IT IS MY JOB
‫TO PUNISH BOYS ‫FOR HAVING
‫THOSE STRONG... ‫SEXY FEELINGS THAT...
‫BURST INTO ACTION.
‫[clears throat]
‫THE GOOD NEWS IS,
‫I'M NOT CAUGHT UP ‫IN YOUR DRAMA,
‫AND I AM NOT GONNA DETERMINE ‫WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG.
‫IT'S YOUR FAULT, ISN'T IT?
‫- YES. ‫- YEAH.
‫- THAT POINT GOES TO JAKE, ‫BECAUSE HE'S NOT TO BLAME.
‫BUT HE DID CHEAT ON ‫HIS LAST GIRLFRIEND,
‫SO THIS COULD ‫BE KARMIC RETRIBUTION.
‫YOU'RE STILL EVEN.
‫- JAKE DIDN'T REALLY ‫CHEAT ON LISSA.
‫- I'M SURPRISED ‫YOU WOULD DEFEND
‫SOMEONE WHO JUST SLAMMED ‫A FIST IN YOUR FACE.
‫CURRENT SCORE IS 1-0
‫IN MATTY'S FAVOR ‫FOR BEING NOBLE.
‫- NOBLE? ‫I DON'T THINK SO.
‫- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
‫I UNDERSTAND ‫WHY THIS HAPPENED.
‫AS A LAYPERSON, I TOTALLY GET ‫WHY YOU WOULD FIGHT OVER JENNA.
‫I REALLY LIKE SPENDING ‫TIME WITH HER TOO,
‫BUT I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY ‫THROW DOWN FOR HER.
‫OKAY, MAYBE. ‫I MIGHT.
‫SHE IS A REALLY ‫REMARKABLE FRIEND.
‫STUDENT. ‫STUDENT-FRIEND.
‫- SHE'S NO FRIEND OF MINE.
‫- DON'T BE MAD AT HER.
‫SHE WANTED TO TELL YOU ‫AND I ASKED HER NOT TO.
‫THIS WHOLE THING ‫IS MY FAULT.
‫WHEN I HEARD YOU ‫BROKE UP WITH HER,
‫I ONLY WENT TO HER HOUSE ‫TO SEE IF SHE WAS OKAY,
‫BECAUSE I KNEW ‫HOW MUCH SHE LIKED YOU.
‫- SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE ‫BEEN CHECKING ON ME?
‫- I TRIED TO, ‫BUT YOU SHUT ME DOWN.
‫- [clapping] ‫BRAVO.
‫EVERYONE CAN SEE THE DAMAGE ‫TO YOUR FACES,
‫BUT NO ONE CAN SEE ‫THE DAMAGE TO YOUR HEARTS.
‫I'M THROWING AWAY ‫THE SCORE SHEET.
‫[low] ‫YOU WON.
‫I THINK WE LEARNED ‫A LOT TODAY
‫ABOUT HONESTY ‫AND FORGIVENESS.
‫SO, NO MORE FIGHTING?
‫YOU'RE DONE?
‫- YEAH. WE'RE DONE.
‫- ARE YOU OKAY?
‫PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.
‫ANYTHING.
‫- I CAME TO YOUR HOUSE,
‫THINKING THAT I MADE A MISTAKE ‫BREAKING UP WITH YOU.
‫- I MADE A MISTAKE TOO.
‫I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ‫EVERYTHING ABOUT MATTY,
‫BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO.
‫I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU.
‫I LOVED YOU. ‫I STILL LOVE YOU.
‫PLEASE BELIEVE ME.
‫- WHY WOULD I BELIEVE ‫ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY?
‫- [whisper] ‫MING. MING.
‫MING.
‫- WHY ARE YOU HIDING? ‫WE'RE IN THE SANCTUARY.
‫- NOWHERE IS SAFE. ‫SHH.
‫- WHAT? WHY ARE YOU ‫ACTING SO CREEPY?
‫FIRST, YOU BLOW ME OFF ‫AND THEN YOU IGNORE ME IN CLASS.
‫I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.
‫- I DO LIKE YOU. ‫A LOT.
‫WHICH IS WHY I CAN NEVER ‫SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.
‫- WHY?
‫- [whispering] ‫BECCA IS MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.
‫- DAMN.
‫NO WONDER SO MUCH BIZARRE STUFF ‫HAS BEEN HAPPENING TO ME.
‫- AND IT'S JUST ‫THE BEGINNING.
‫- YOU'RE SCARING ME.
‫- YOU SHOULD BE SCARED.
‫ARE YOU FAMILIAR ‫WITH THE DIFFERENCE
‫BETWEEN A WHITE BITCH ‫AND AN ASIAN BITCH?
‫WHEN A WHITE BITCH IS AFTER YOU, ‫SHE'S IN YOUR FACE.
‫LOUD, ANGRY, ‫MAKING SURE YOU KNOW
‫THAT SHE'S RESPONSIBLE ‫FOR YOUR DESTRUCTION.
‫BUT THE ASIAN BITCH--
‫- DERIVES FROM ‫THE WAY OF THE NINJA.
‫THEY'RE EVERYWHERE ‫AND NOWHERE.
‫ALL STEALTH.
‫YOU NEVER SEE ‫AN ASIAN BITCH COMING.
‫- BUT SHE LOOKS ‫SO SWEET AND HARMLESS.
‫- BUT SHE'S NOT!
‫AND NOW NOTHING IS SAFE.
‫I CAN ONLY DRINK ‫FROM SEALED BOTTLES OF WATER,
‫AND AS MY KNOWN ASSOCIATES,
‫I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.
‫- I HEARD JENNA HOMEWRECKED
‫TWO RELATIONSHIPS ‫IN ONE WEEKEND.
‫- SHE'S ‫"HOMEWRECKER HAMILTON."
‫- WHA-- ‫- HERE.
‫- I'D TRADE YOUR MAFIA WRATH
‫FOR MY CURRENT SITUATION ‫ANY DAY.
‫WHY DOES EVERYONE GET ‫TO WEIGH IN ON MY LIFE?
‫- IT'S WHITE BITCH 101,
‫BUT AT LEAST ‫YOU KNOW WHERE YOU STAND.
‫ALL THIS FEAR AND LOATHING ‫IS GIVING ME
‫A MAD CASE OF STRESS EYE.
‫- OH, YOU BOTH NEED ‫TO ARCTIC CHILL.
‫JENNA, ‫SOMEONE ELSE'S DRAMA-RAMA
‫WILL BE FRONT-PAGE NEWS ‫TOMORROW.
‫AND MING, HONESTLY, THIS WHOLE ‫THING WITH THE ASIAN MAFIA--
‫- WHY CAN'T I SEE ANYTHING?
‫HOLY [bleep].
‫BECCA CHANGED ‫MY PRESCRIPTION.
‫I'VE BEEN ASIAN ‫BITCH-SLAPPED AGAIN!
‫THIS DAY COULD ‫NOT GET ANY WORSE.
‫- MING WAS A BLIND OPTIMIST.
‫WHAT SHE COULDN'T SEE...
‫WAS THAT THINGS ‫COULD ALWAYS GET WORSE.
‫- I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMETHING ‫SO OFFENSIVE IN MY LIFE.
‫THAT CAR IS NO WAY ‫TO BRIDGE A RELATIONSHIP GAP!
‫BUYING YOU A CAR ‫SHOULD HAVE BEEN
‫A CO-PARENTING DECISION.
‫BUT A CAR THAT HIDEOUS
‫SHOULD HAVE BEEN ‫A NO-PARENTING DECISION.
‫- AS USUAL, MY MOTHER ‫DECIDED MY HUMILIATION
‫WAS ABOUT HER.
‫- WHY IN THE WORLD ‫WOULD YOUR FATHER
‫PURCHASE A CAR
‫WITH THE WORD "SLUT" ‫WRITTEN ACROSS IT?
‫- IT DIDN'T COME THAT WAY.
‫- THIS IS JUST FURTHER PROOF ‫THAT YOUR FATHER NEEDS ME.
‫HE COULD NEVER BE TRUSTED ‫TO MAKE BIG PURCHASES ALONE,
‫AND A CAR IS ‫A BIG FINANCIAL COMMITMENT.
‫MARIE CLAIRE SAID--
‫OR WAS IT COSMO?
‫MAYBE IT WAS ON ‫REAL HOUSEWIVES?
‫MM.
‫SOMEONE SMART SAID
‫THAT IF A COUPLE IS ‫IN RELATIONSHIP RECOVERY,
‫OR WORKING ON ‫GETTING BACK TOGETHER,
‫THEY NEED TO CREATE AN ‫ENVIRONMENT OF MUTUAL RES--
‫- YOU'RE NOT GETTING ‫BACK TOGETHER.
‫HE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. ‫HER NAME IS HANNAH.
‫THE CAR IS JUST HIS WAY ‫OF BREAKING IT TO ME GENTLY.
‫IT MEANS HE WANTS A DIVORCE.
‫I WAS FEELING WRECKED, ‫WRONGED, AND WORN-OUT.
‫I COULDN'T TAKE ‫ANY MORE BLOWS
‫AND DEFINITELY ‫COULDN'T CUSHION THEM.
‫I HAD SPENT SO MUCH TIME ‫PROTECTING JAKE'S FEELINGS
‫THAT MY OWN ‫WERE LEFT DEFENSELESS.
‫THE DAMAGE WAS DONE ‫AND THERE WAS NO WAY TO UNDO IT.
‫[computer chirps] ‫"YOU'RE NOT A HOMEWRECKER."
‫I'M GLAD SOMEONE KNOWS.
‫HOMEWRECKER? ‫I NEVER USED THAT EXPRESSION.
‫DO YOU KNOW ME?
‫[computer chirps]
‫FRIEND OR FOE?
‫I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST ‫AN INVISIBLE FRIEND.
‫JAKE WOULD SAY ‫AN INVISIBLE FRIEND
‫CAN'T TRUST ME.
‫[computer chirps] ‫"YOU CAN TRUST ME.
‫THIS ISN'T A SET-UP."
‫I'M FEELING DESPERATE.
‫THERE'S NO WAY ‫TO MINIMIZE THIS DAMAGE.
‫EVERYBODY HATES ME.
‫[computer chirps]
‫I WISH I COULD PUT ‫INTO WORDS WHAT I FEEL.
‫[computer chirps] ‫"YOU ALREADY HAVE."
‫YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ‫THE WHOLE TRUTH.
‫- * FOLLOW MY WAY
‫* FOLLOW MY...
‫- EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU. ‫- I KNOW.
‫- NO, JENNA. ‫YESTERDAY'S SLUT-SHAMING
‫IS, LIKE, 12 PAGES BACK ‫IN THE GOSSIP SEARCH ENGINE.
‫YOUR SECRET BLOG? ‫NOT SO SECRET ANYMORE.
‫- JENNA SLEPT WITH MATTY, ‫BUT SHE ONLY SCREWED JAKE...
‫OVER! ‫THEY DIDN'T HAVE SEX!
‫THANK GOD.
‫- SHE DIDN'T JUST HOMEWRECK ‫TWO RELATIONSHIPS.
‫IT WAS THREE, ‫IF YOU COUNT HER PARENTS.
‫- YEAH. THE BAND ‫GOT BACK TOGETHER.
‫- ARE YOU IN SHOCK? ‫ARE YOU GONNA STROKE OUT?
‫DO YOU NEED ‫A TRAUMA BLANKET?
‫- I JUST NEED TO TALK TO JAKE. ‫- AND I NEED TO GET A LIFE.
‫I NEVER REALIZED ‫HOW RICKY-OBSESSED
‫I WAS UNTIL ‫I READ IT IN PRINT.
‫YOUR BLOG SAVED ME ‫FROM EVER OBSESSING AGAIN
‫AND IT SAVED MING ‫BY OUTING THE MAFIA.
‫NOW SHE'S UNTOUCHABLE.
‫- I WOULDN'T BE SO SURE.
‫IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN ‫A BLOG TO TAKE THEM DOWN.
‫- DID YOU READ MY BLOG?
‫THEN YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
‫I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU.
‫- NO. YOU HUMILIATED ME.
‫- ROSATI! YOU BEEN PLAYED, ‫BUT YOU DIDN'T GET LAID!
‫- THE BLOG RELEASE ‫DIDN'T JUST EXPOSE ME.
‫IT EXPOSED EVERYONE IN IT.
‫THERE WAS WIDESPREAD ‫COLLATERAL DAMAGE.
‫- WHO THE HELL DID THIS?
‫WHO FORWARDED ‫JENNA'S PRIVATE BLOG?
‫- I DID.
‫[honk]
‫- JENNA HAMILTON ‫TRIED TO KILL HERSELF!
‫AGAIN! ‫[laughs]
‫NEXT ON AWKWARD...
‫WHAT KIND OF DAY ARE WE ‫LOOKING AT, LUNCH IN THE ‫BATHROOM?
‫- WHAT'S GOING ON?
‫- YOUR SOCIAL SUICIDE ‫SCARED EVERYONE SILENT.
‫- WHAT YOU DID WAS BALLSY. ‫- AND PSYCHOTIC.
‫- EVERYONE KNOWS ‫I WROTE THE LETTER.
‫- GO. TALK TO THEM.
‫WHAT'S THE WORST ‫THAT COULD HAPPEN?
‫- MY LIFE WAS FULL ‫OF UNEXPECTED CHOICES.
‫CHOICES THAT ‫I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE.
‫- SO YOU NEED TO CHOOSE.
‫HIM OR ME.